You can hate how you feel without being worthless. They are not the same thing.
Emotional state
Self-hate, shame
What was underneath
Comparing myself to everyone and always losing
What it looked like
- harsh self-talk
- avoiding mirrors
- feeling like a burden
- withdrawing
The darkest moment
Believing the people in my life would be lighter without me around.
The first thing that helped
Writing the cruel thoughts down and reading them as if a stranger said them to my younger sibling. I'd never let anyone speak to them that way.
What helped over time
- Separated 'the pain I feel' from 'who I am'
- One kind, neutral sentence to myself each morning
- Told a school counselor the truth
- Reduced time on social media
What did not help
- Affirmations I didn't believe
- Pretending I was fine
How long it took
Close to a year of slow change
Where they are now
The voice is quieter. When it shows up, I recognize it as pain talking, not truth.
Their path won't be exactly yours, and that's okay. You only need your own next small step.